Peter, Joe and Mary

This is the "raw" version of the art used to promote this week's epic conclusion to what has shapen up to be one of my favorite stories to ever run on my site, "True Believers." Notice how MJ is missing her legs. That's why I said "raw," I knew I'd be cutting her off at the torso.

And now, a special treat for Platypus Comix readers only! Spider-Man and Mary Jane sit down to debunk....

The Top Ten Snopes.com Spider-Man Rumors! (the Snopes.com of his own world, that is.)

NOTICE: THIS INTERVIEW IS TO BE READ BY MEMBERS OF THE REAL WORLD ONLY. ANY ATTEMPTS TO PASS IT ALONG TO ANYONE IN THE COMIC BOOK WORLD, WHERE SUCH KNOWLEDGE WOULD BE DANGEROUS, IS UNAUTHORIZED. VIOLATORS WILL BE PROSECUTED.

1) There is no Spider-Man. Rudy Guliani invented the character and hired an actor to play him as part of his efforts to clean New York back in the 90's. The city has had him appear every so often since as a means to boost morale and deter crime.

SM: Um...yeah, that one's true. Tell that to all the bumps and bruises I get every blasted day, which I get VOLUNTARILY.

MJ: Anyone who still spreads this one around has either never seen him in action or they're just ignorant. There's a right-wing radio host in NY that Peter rescued once who STILL believes he doesn't exist.

2) Several of New York's millionaires and heirs have been rumored to be Spider-Man; one of them actually is.

MJ: To be fair, before I ever figured out the truth, I always assumed Spider-Man was a rich guy too. I think most people expect superheroes to have lots of resources at their disposal and, also, a lot of free time. To be honest, there are times when I still don't understand how he does it.

SM: I guess this is a nice rumor to have around because it takes the suspicion off of normal people. Such as freelance photographers. So yeah, this is one of the few rumors I can tolerate existing.

3) Several people over the years have made the public claim they are Spider-Man. This list includes several celebrities. One of them wasn't lying.

MJ: Most celebrities who make a claim like that are either desperate for attention or drunk. I can testify Brad Renshauer was, in fact, drunk as a mule when he stood up and yelled he was Spider-Man. I was at that party and it was a good thing nobody saw the look on my face.

SM: Ever since Phil, though, I haven't seen as many people make that claim anymore.

4) Phil Henshaw is Spider-Man. (DEBUNKED AS OF OCTOBER 9, 2007)

SM: I don't know where to begin about Phil. I've seen imitators before, but this one really impressed me. He could even do the web-slinging--I don't know how he figured that out. For a time, everyone thought he was me, and I just left him alone, because I figured why the heck not, let him have his fun. He was so convincing, though, that....well, he even fooled members of the underworld. You ask why superheroes mask up--well, Phil is your answer.

MJ: Then after he was gunned down I turned on CNN and it said "Spider-Man Is Dead" and I about had a heart attack. The only good thing that came out of the whole Phil incident was everyone thinking Spider-Man was dead, because he was able to ride that rumor and take a hideout of gangsters by surprise.

SM: Yeah, that was great!

MJ: Even still. It just...wasn't a good idea to let someone do that. Imitate you, I mean.

SM: Yeah, I know that now. Live and learn. If I could go back in time I would stop Phil. Certainly.

5) Spider-Man is actually a bad guy. He performs public rescues to stay on the public's good side, but operates a criminal empire behind the scenes.

SM: This is a belief that I don't think is ever going to go away. I've even had civilians shoot at me because of this. Like, from windows. It's crazy. I realize no one can ever gain a hundred percent of the public's trust, but still.

6) Spider-Man is only in the superhero business for the fame, glory and attention.

SM: Obviously, no one who spreads this rumor has ever tried being a superhero for one hour. It's not all peaches and cream--come on. There have been a lot of superheroes in New York, some with powers and some without. Some have made it and some haven't. Some give up after they find out how hard it is and sadly, some are killed before they can get very far. People think I'm "lucky" for being New York's most popular superhero right now, but that really wasn't my goal. In fact, I really wish I wasn't. Less attention would be fine with me. Less of these stupid rumors would be nice, for one. Why does no one care about Black Cat? Can I just mention her? She's a friend of mine and she works hard.

MJ: Another thing....you know all the Spider-Man merchandise? We've never seen a dime. He's never cashed in on his image. Ever. That rumor is fake too.

7) Thomas Newwark's biography of Spider-Man is 100% true.

SM: Never met him, never cooperated with him, not a single word of what's in there is true. .....I caught MJ with that book shortly after it came out. She tried to hide it from me, but whenever she would sneak it out from under the couch and start reading it, she couldn't control her giggling.

MJ: That book is awesome!

8) On November 17, 2007, several witnesses reported they saw Spider-Man making love to some woman on top of the Statue of Liberty.

SM: Um.......................

MJ: .......No comment.

9) Spider-Man is secretly married to one lucky girl somewhere in the New York area.

MJ: Yikes.

SM: Whoever started this one got it right on, whether intentional or not, and obviously it makes us nervous. We wanted to write Snopes begging for some research into who could have started it, but that would have been suspicious.

MJ: Luckily, this rumor isn't as popular as some of the others.

10) Shortly before her death, Leona Helmsley claimed she had slept with Spider-Man several times.

MJ: IT'S TRUE!! AHAHAHA!!

SM: NO IT ISN'T!